| Holy Hell, it's almost over. |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|08:23 am] |
School, of course. And it's about time to reflect on it, now, in my most crucial moment.
So I'll be graduating my Video Game Design course in exactly two weeks from this day. Originally, I went back to school hoping to pick up a new skill as well as finally put together a portfolio. At least I got the first one down. I've been thinking long and hard over the importance of everything these days, and though I admit to being disappointed with the fact I have nothing to show after these eight months, I'm very pleased that I have the knowledge now to create a pretty strong portfolio on my own time. The frightening reality, it's probably going to take me another year before it's complete.
I don't think I'm the type to fall into a comfortable rut in a sub-par retail job, at least, not for very long... there are some obvious pros to working in an unstimulating environment, being you desperately need a creative vector in order to stay sane. So, you force yourself (rather enjoyably, I might add) to produce tons of artwork you would have otherwise passed off for some other unproductive activity. Now, I'm all for this but at the same time, I'm really getting tired of being poor and direction-less. Just physically and mentally drained. It's that horrible lethargy that sinks in once you've finally given up on yourself after struggling years on end so no particular avail... It really makes me wonder how some people seem to fall into their correct slots so quickly and easily. I always figured my situation to be one of somebody who lacked drive and ambition, though I didn't figure myself to possess these particular qualities... We're always taught that if you give your 100% and stick to it you'll make it in the end. They just never told you it might take 50 years of your life, (should you reach your goal at all.)
I've been trying to imagine myself in a studio environment working for a gaming company. And though it seems like the best situation I could be in career wise, it doesn't seem to click at all... that is, until I imagine myself working retail for the rest of my days and it starts to look a lot nicer. I'm not really sure what this means exactly. Maybe it just means I do lack ambition after all, and I need to go out an buy a lottery ticket and hope for the best because I don't really want a job at all.
I've sort of reached this apathetic point regarding the entire situation, but some days the reality sinks in and I just end up panicking. Which is useless really, I've got a ton of time to get wherever I need to be going... It's just I've got a lot of living to do before that, and there's nothing I hate more than lack of money being the factor spoiling all my fun. If anybody knows me at all, they know I must live life as hedonistically as possible... I need the best all the time, I need things when I want them, and I need the freedom to do so. For the most part I've been living my life this way up till now, and it's got me in a wee bit of trouble from time to time, but the reality is always, life is more than what we're told it should be. But I'm not touching on that, I wasn't planning for a sermon on the meaning of life. If you can't figure it out for yourself, good job. You've probably achieved the pinnacle of success by this point, you bastard.
Heh.
I do feel like a massive weight is being lifted off me with the ending of the school year though. I'll miss asking the people beside me for immediate answers when I'm stuck, but for the most part I enjoy working on my own time. I hope to allow this next year to be a really creative one, as I don't think I've produced enough work to show off to date, and it's really quite important. Digital and traditional painting is becoming extremely interesting to me, as I'm on the cusp of really being able to understand it at a higher, professional level and it's kind of exciting. That's what I've been missing for much too long... excitement. Dive, muse, whatever... Something good should come of it. I've already got a few ideas burning a hole through the back of my skull. And I'll share, of course.
BTW, on something totally unrelated before I forget... Irina, I can't seem to get ahold of you via email? Get me on messenger sometime or something, gokulizard@hotmail... |
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| So much to do... |
[Jun. 30th, 2006|10:35 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  listless | ] |
I decided since I have no real time to write a journal entry, it would be a good time to do it.
First of all, I've decided to un-link this journal from the Sadistic Vanity website, just because I don't feel every customer to pass casual through should know me so well. It's kind of creepy, like those fat old wierdos who decide to walk around naked in the club...
Anyway.
I've been on break from school since Monday... for those who aren't in the know, I've been taking classes on video game design since January, and will be graduating in August. It's an extremely intense course, much more so than anything I've ever really done in my life, honestly. Except for maybe drawing comics to a tight deadline. On second thought, no, more intense than that. At least when I'm drawing comics I know what I'm doing. I went into this course not knowing the first thing about 3D programs, and now that there's only about a month and a half of school left, I know a little bit more than that.
So I've been thinking a lot about the relevance of this course... I went in believing I might at least have a chance at getting a job, and I suppose I still do in a way. But, having a long history of dancing around with art and employment, I'm beginning to get a little more than weary of the game. Starving artist is a term with real relevance...
I think the problem is not so much in the fact I can't produce professional artwork, but the fact I just don't care to sell myself. In more ways than one... the first and most important being, I can't lie about my ability. Or anything, for that matter. Interviews are my downfall. Secondly, I barely enjoy drawing in my own style, never mind what others wish to see me produce. I look at the alternative though, and what's left? I don't even know what other jobs exist in the world, let alone be able to do them with any level of competence.
I'm not sure if this is the death of a dream, or if I ever really had one to begin with. It's on odd feeling though. I've gone though all the initial stages of worry and anger years ago and sadly, nothing's really changed since then. You become numb to everything around you... the good comes with the bad, but none of it really matters. The days pass... you fill your hours with nothing in particular, if it's productive or not, in the end again it doesn't matter...
I do still have a desire. It's been the same desire since I had the ability to make dreams reality though money... and that would be to remove myself from this place and go far, far away. So I'm not sure, again, if my artwork as work had ever been a dream, particularly. It was just "What I Did". So I "Followed That Path". I suppose I've done an okay job of it, because nobody's ever told me to stop. But, I wish somebody could tell me the truth sometime, so at least then I wouldn't waste so much of my life doing something I thought I could do, but couldn't. I think I've finally figured it out on my own now, though. Maybe it's not too late. I'm not that old yet, am I?
Still, I don't dislike my art. I couldn't give it up if I tried, and I know I've wrote this before at some point because I can remember doing it. But I miss the time when I could go on drawing and forget to eat for a day, just out of the pure joy of creating. I don't think my imagination is working anymore. Maybe it's because, back then, I didn't care if my drawings looked like crap.
So, the point of this then, would be I'm not sure what's going to happen after I graduate. I can't lie and say I don't desperately want a job in video games, because I do. I want to have a purpose, a career, an actual salary... because with that money, I'll be able to go far, far away. And people will respect me enough to leave me alone. |
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| A question of relaxation therapy... |
[Jun. 13th, 2006|12:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | blank | ] |
Once upon a time, long long ago, I used this live journal for... well, what most journals are used for. Every day thoughts, the classic therapy of letting strangers in on the inner workings of my brain simply for the teeniest cheap thrill that someone might actually be witness to it. Most times, you can tell strangers things easier than your closest friend, no? I think though, back in the day, it was just getting a little too far into those deep mind crevices and things got a little too scary for me to look at in physical print... (in a manner of speaking, this being digital and all.) Well, scary or embarrassing, most likely the latter. In any case, my old live journal was permanently erased forever, and this new barely touched business version was born a slight time afterwards. I really thought it would be handy honestly, which I suppose it would have been if I had more to say business wise... but I didn't. And, just seeing how much fun Red has posting a million pictures on his My Space page, I sort of felt I needed my little online escape back too. Ah, vanity... I don't know what it is, really. I'm not into sharing my thoughts at all, I'm even less interested in posting pictures online, and my attention span is akin to goldfish memory. Yet I somehow get the overwhelming urge to share from time to time. Until, who knows, this may grow into something I'll need to erase all over again. I guess my point has been made though, in that I'm planning to use this virtual space more for me, if only to make it more interesting for myself, or everybody, or nobody... It's just another story of an ordinary person in an ordinary life with ordinary things to say. Which some people find interesting, I guess.
So now I can't help like feeling I've just checked myself into the human zoo... But, as they say, the unexamined life isn't worth living. Not that it's a brilliant idea to listen to *them* really. |
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| Site "Update" |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|03:28 am] |
As it's become pretty clear I'll never be able to update the website without a solid knowledge of Dreamweaver, I've decided to make it real simple. You can find pretty much everything you need to now with the four handy links on our website's main page... our contact, our store, our my space page, and this silly little thing. Until we get our house line up and going, there's probably no need for the rest of it... Oh, no we haven't forgotten about that house line, not at all. But by the time it's ready, I'll fully understand how to use Dreamweaver and I'll be able to make something nice and flashy and keep it up-to-date. Until then, I may put up different fun little pictures from time to time, just to keep things amusing. I'm not really liking it now... kinda plain... but I'm tired and not caring. Anyway. I've put up the majority of items back on ebay tonight, it's taken me all of 9 hours now I think. So I'm going to sleep, or eat, or maybe both at the same time. Enjoy! |
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| New Lip Service Shite! |
[Nov. 18th, 2005|08:35 pm] |
And here I sashay in again for my bi-yearly update... We've just got a bunch of brand new Lip Service stuff in, so by all means go take a look. If you're having trouble finding our store, it's right here:
http://stores.ebay.com/Sadistic-Vanity
I've heard a few people say already that they can't seem to find it. So, there you go, no searching required. We'll have that fixed sooner or much later, as with most things on our neglected website...
Also, I've got a ton of Demonia footwear I haven't put up in the longest time. Look for that soonish, as I've kicked into "update" mode.
Oh, and if you haven't checked it out already my GloomCookie Trade Paperback Collection is out on store shelves. Buy one now, enjoy my art, make me rich. I'm also offering the original pages up for sale in our ebay store, so if there's anything you'd like to see write me and I'll put it up for auction. That is, if I don't feel like keeping it for myself... Ha. ;p (Not likely... I need money to put me through college, dammit!)
Also, if you enjoy gay nazi porn on any level, check out my contribution to Umbrella Studios Pron 2 compilation. Go hither:
http://www.umbrellastudios.com
Or, you can just buy it from us, Sadistic Vanity, directly. I've never dealt with adult ebay listings before though, so it may take a bit before I figure it out.
More news as I get it... |
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| Festival of Fear 2005 |
[Aug. 30th, 2005|10:54 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
As our last big convention of the year draws to a close, I'd like to thank everyone again who dropped by our wee booth and made it such a huge success! It's really great to know that everyone's enjoying our stuff so much, as the figures show each con just gets better and better. :) As for when the store will be up and functioning again, give us a good week or so to re-inventory and create ebay pages for all the new stuff we have. It's always been an issue that we've never represented online all we have to offer, so we really want to focus on fixing that. That, and we'll be giving the website the love/attention/updates it deserves... there's finally time to do it!
Now, I know I mentioned in my last post about new "official" Sadistic Vanity clothing that would be available, beyond the stuff we wholesale from other companies... What we had in the works for this convention was our own line of t-shirt designs made by none other than little old me, Harley Sparx. Unfortunately, the printer we were planning to have produce our stuff went out of business just before this year's Festival of Fear. Who knew? But this is hardly a problem... We've already got someone to take their place. That, and by next year's convention we'll have the beginnings of our own house line up and ready, as that's our focus for '06. Already, we're investing a good chunk of our profits from this year into a new design studio, so it should be an exciting year!
Oh, and to those who didn't get to check out the nifty buttons we had made exclusively for the con, I'll stick some up in the store for your viewing/purchasing pleasure.
That being the business end of things, I really want to mention that it was a real treat meeting all the GloomCookie fans who made the effort to hunt me down for an autograph. It was really above and beyond, as I do a good job of hiding myself away... Thanks so much for really making my weekend. ;)
Photos and more to come... |
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| Update! |
[Jul. 24th, 2005|06:51 pm] |
So it's no surprise I'm horrible with site upkeep. So here's what's new at Sadistic Vanity! You may not see it in our ebay store at the moment, but we've just got a ton of new clothing items in that we may/may not list before the Festival of Fear. (www.canadiannationalexpo.com) The logic currently being it's best to have some nice new stuff to offer at the convention than to go there with inventory that's been picked over already. (Last minute stock orders never get through on time.) Sooooo... I know it looks like we've been pretty static over here, but we've just been doing a lot behind the scenes before actually *posting* anything. Really.
Also! We should have the first addition to our Sadistic Vanity house line available for purchase at the Festival of Fear. I'll give more info as production kicks in, but I want to make sure there's something concrete and on time before making any official announcements. Fun, fun.
Ah yes, and new shoes will be on their way within the week. Anyone who actually reads this and wants to make a special boot/shoe order, do it NOW or you will have missed your chance! |
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| Time for a quickie. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2005|11:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indifferent | ] |
I just realized that you need a paid account in order to upload images on to live journal, so I'm just going to have to upload what we have from Anime North to the SV site itself. Which is probably a better idea anyway. You'll find them under the gallery section a little later. Like the store, it's going to take a couple more days before anything actually appears where it's supposed to, but we appreciate your patience as always... Things are pretty much organized on this end now, but it's our lovely Princess Vanity's birthday tomorrow, and we can't really expect to be working then, can we? ;p So please... Be kind and give us an extra day to nurse our hangovers. It's much appreciated! |
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| The Morning After |
[May. 30th, 2005|11:12 am] |
With Anime North officially over for another year, I'd like to give a BIG THANKS to everyone who stopped by our booth and made it such an overwhelming success! May you have many fine experiences playing in your new clothing...
It's going to be a busy week trying to figure out what we have left over and what to restock, so it may take a few days before I relaunch our online shop on ebay. Please bear with us, we'll work as fast as we can! If you talked to us at the booth about specific stuff you're looking for (eg, boots in certain sizes, shapes, or colours) now would be the time to write and let us know. We don't make a habit of special ordering too often because it can end up being quite costly in the long run... But, because we're placing larger orders now anyway it's not a problem.
To switch out of business mode for a brief moment, I hope to give a full report on our adventures @ Anime North, with pictures! Again, it's a busy next few days, so apologies if it's not immediate... Actually I may get RED to write it up as he's much more eloquent and has a better memory. Me, I'm remembering that I ate timbits for three days straight and should probably go have a proper breakfast right now... er, brunch even.
In conclusion, AN was a wonderful experience this year, and we couldn't have done it without you all. So THANKS AGAIN, and in return, we hope to be able to offer you more and more unique and interesting items to keep you all amused. (A special thanks too to Heather and Andy, our booth bunnies, who worked so hard only to be repaid in chicken balls...) |
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| Sadistic Vanity at Anime North 2005! |
[May. 26th, 2005|10:59 pm] |
For those who are wondering why our store on ebay isn't up and running at the moment, I've temporarily closed it down for a few days due to Sadistic Vanity attending Anime North! (www.animenorth.com for details) So if you live in the general Toronto area, come on down this weekend and see us in all our vendor glory. We've expanded our space this year and will be hosting the comics of the oh so cheeky boys love doji group, Umbrella Studios! (www.umbrellastudios.com) Which, naturally, I happen to be a part of... Oh, and I've managed to get around to making a limited number of new poster prints as well, so there actually *are* some special goodies after all... I'm really not just making this crap up... And there's some cool new stuff we just got in stock that isn't available in our web store just yet. Also, SEE! Sadistic Vanity, The Magnificent Wonder Pony of EVIL! I'm not elaborating, you'll just have to be there.
Okay, back to some last minute preparations. If I'm not too destroyed after tomorrow's events, I'll write all about our daily adventures right here. |
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| Sadistic Vanity is go... (well, at least on LJ) |
[May. 13th, 2005|02:16 am] |
Okay, so I thought it's about time I start using this thing already. Harley Sparx here. *takes a bow* Truth be told, I used to use this live journal back in the day as an actual journal, and decided it was kinda (well a little more than kinda) silly. So, now I'm going use it for the business!
So what's new at Sadistic Vanity? I know, it seems like we really don't do much over on this end because we like to ignore updating our site... but that's why I'm here now. And I really appreciate the people who keep coming back, desperately hoping to see something new. Don't you worry, it'll pay off. Then you can say "I was the first!" when you own something from our premier collection and everyone else is clamoring for it years later. Really.
Anyway, to avoid going off topic... We're continuing our yearly tradition of attending Anime North as a vendor (info www.animenorth.com) the 27th-29th of this month, so all of our little lovelies can meet us in the flesh. Come on down should you enjoy japanese anime and get the chance. Umbrella Studios will be there too, so you wouldn't want to miss out on any yaoi goodness, would you? I'll probably be bringing down some original GloomCookie pages, as well as some new prints I've been working on, so if you're any fan of my art at all *sob* you'll have the option to purchase some. I'm trying to think up some other new surprises for everyone who drops by, but who knows... I may think of nothing in two weeks so don't get your hopes up.
Also, for the second year in a row we will be attending Rue Morgue's "Festival of Fear" August 26th to 28th at the Canadian National *insert nerd obsession here* expo, (www.canadiannationalexpo.com) which, I hear, now has a massive gaming section. Kick arse! If anything, I'd like to have some prototype stuff done from our line for that date, as RED tells me we should have something done for Halloween... hmm.
On another note, who saw us in the Toronto Star today? Er... yesterday... I must give my thanks to both Tammy and Keith on that one, lovely people that they are managed to somehow get us a full splash page IN COLOUR on the front page of the fashion section, and another B&W good size photo inside... wow. I must say I was blown away, and that doesn't happen very often. On a side note, just to clear up any confusion, RED is infact Princess Vanity, not I... I don't normally do princess. ;)
On the store front, we've got a good size order coming in from the new Lippy 2005 fetish line, which should be available around the time of the Festival of Fear. Really good stuff people, especially if you have a WWII/J-rocker uniform fetish... Trust me on this. Also, I've been working on some art for t-shirts, so far I believe I have... four? Anyway, we should have some lovely SV brand t-shirts on their way soon, as it's been WAY too long in the making already.
Well, before I write so much you don't want to read this anymore, I'll leave it alone. But from now on I promise to keep you all updated on our wild and wacky adventures in art and fashion, now that I've been reminded what my LJ password is. And I like to ramble, so you're in trouble. |
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